"The Purple Turd"

THE PURPLE TURD

This is The Purple Turd, a 1949 Mercury that took me and my friends through high school and then took their younger siblings on that same ride, as well. It was “babysitter extraordinaire”.

No one knows to whom it originally belonged but the original owner of the high school group was Jimmy Neuman, otherwise known as Neum and Neumie. He bought it in his sophmore year about 1963. Or maybe his parents gave it to him. I don’t know for sure.

My memories of it began when Neum took me to a prom at The Elk’s Club. We dated occasionally but were mostly best friends. That night, at intermission, we went out to the car to drink beer and make-out. No sooner had we kissed than he abruptly turned around and vomited all over the back seat. I knew he looked kinda pale but had no idea he was coming down with the flu. He spared my pretty dress so I went back inside to dance the night away and Neum went home, sickern’ a dog! I didn’t see him for over a week.

He decided to get the seats reupholstered and they tore the original seats out of the car. Neum needed the car for daily transportation, so replaced the driver’s seat with a kitchen stool that scooted precariously for every turn or stop sign. We all sat on the floorboards and peeked out the windows as we roared around town and to the local burger drive-ins. Only our eyes and the tops of our heads could be seen. At one point we put in lawn chairs until the new seats were reinstalled.

The new seats were made of clear plastic on white. Ballpoint pens were brand new so Neum bought some and each of us signed our names along with slogans like, “Remember the Alamo”. Everyone signed that car!

A previous owner after Neum commissioned this pastel. He and his brother both owned it. His brother bought the car for $60 from Neum and drove it for about a year. His younger brother then got it and he’s the new owner of the pastel that I finished today.

These are some of the memories they posted on FaceBook of The Purple Turd:

Byron: I inherited the PT from Walter when he graduated. Gail and I dated in it all our senior year. Heater didn't work, had blankets to keep warm. The PT also leaked brake fluid like a sieve. Gail and I were pulling into King Burger one afternoon, pumped the brakes, no luck, had to run into one of the concrete pillars holding up the canopy to avoid bashing Cherry Cole's little yellow Mustang convertible. Everyone thought I did it on purpose, thought it was a "cool" arrival at King Burger. I didn't tell them differently.

Walter: That was my first car. Bought it from Jimmy Neuman for $60. Clutch spring was broken - had to pull it out with my toes to engage. Hole in the back floorboard - used to stick my little brother's head down it when driving. Amazing he wasn't scarred for life!

Walter: We went to Agnes Drive Inn, the Toddle House, runs to Odessa to buy beer, to the caves near Iraan, the Sand Dunes and many other places. Went rabbit hunting at night slightly under the influence, and once when the PT took off on its own through a cotton field we blasted it with shotguns. Didn't hurt it a bit!

Byron: I remember that - Walter was yelling "Whoa, Turd" as he shot at it.

Byron: The dashboard had two Jesus stickers, one on each side of the radio. You had to tap the left Jesus to turn the radio on. No car had more character.

Note: the antenna for the radio was a coat hanger shaped into a hand shooting the finger. It was delightful to drive all over town with it so obvious, yet not too much so. Can you see it in this rendition??

What a car! What a memory. Byron sold it for scrap after he graduated. The Purple Turd was worn out and had had enough. I wish I had that car today!

Byron wrote back to me: Polly - Thank you, Thank you. You have captured the essence and the character of the PT. Many memories are screaming back at me.

Rest in Peace, PT.